Break-ups are never easy. PERIOD. If you're anything like me, you're hurt (consciously) at first then you "move on." I was dating a guy about two years ago. We broke up, got back together, then broke up again. That really made it hard to "move on." Well about 10 months after our break up, we started talking. I thought I heard God telling me to give him a second chance. So that's exactly what I did. Sadly things weren't as good as I had hoped and we fought a lot, he ignored me, etc. I tried to tell him that it hurt me when he did that and long story short he didn't care. So I broke it off with him. It was one of, if not the hardest, break-up I've ever gone through.
In all honesty, I thought he was THE ONE. The one God had for me in my life, my other half, the one person God had designed just for me. He did all the right things, said the right things, and at first everything was really good. He was (and hope he still is) a really sweet guy. For our one month anniversary (the first time around) he bought me a GORGEOUS Irish promise ring with my birthstone on it. Below is the ring.
When we broke up for the final time, I was past heartbroken. I think the term for this was soul-broken. I was upset at him, at myself, and even at God. Why would God bring such a wonderful man into my life only to have him treat me the way he did. If God loves me why would He let this man hurt me? I clung to that ring like it was my life-line. I clung to it as if to remember all the good times he and I shared. I wore it every day as a reminder that I still had that love to go back too. That no matter what, I could go back to him.
A week ago while I was on vacation in Turks and Caicos, (6 months after out final break-up) I was having my quiet time one morning on our little screened-in-porch. As I sat there, I cried out in prayer, asking God to guide my fingers to the verses I needed to hear that day. He answered- BIG TIME! I felt the nudge, you know, the one from the Holy Spirit that if He nudged you any harder He'd just shove you out of the chair? Yeah, that one. He told me, take the ring off and put it away. I cautiously took it off, but didn't put it away. I sat it right next to my bible. I'll admit, it felt wrong! I wanted my ring back. However, I let my fingers flip through the Bible, when I felt the urge to stop on a page I did, wherever my right thumb landed, I read. Here are the verses that I came upon (I swear it was God guiding me to read each and everyone of those words).
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” ~Psalm 34:18
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
“She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future” ~Proverbs 31:25
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:28-30
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” ~John 14:27
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” ~Revelation 21:4
He knew exactly what I needed to hear. Suddenly, after reading the Scriptures above and crying out in prayer, I suddenly felt…. peace, joy, contentment deep in my heart. Pure emotions, not just the dim, dull ones I had been feeling for months. I felt like my entire being had just had a huge weight lifted.
During my prayers that day my main question to God was “why? Why would You let me hurt like that for so long? Why would You bring him into my life for me to fall so deeply in love only to have my soul crushed?”
Do you want to know that God told me? He said go read Jeremiah 29:11. I knew the verse by heart. “For I know the plans I have for you declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Again, I asked why. I know Your plans are for my good, to make me a better person, to make me stronger, to build me up. Buy again I ask why let me fall so deeply in love with this man to be so crushed and hurt?
I felt God smile at me right then. He told me ‘you just said it. To make you a better person, make you stronger. Build your soul and character. It may hurt now, but it’s for the best. You know that I have that one for you. You need to trust Me. It always works out the way it should. Pain is a part of the process. It’s terrible and it hurts, but it builds you up to be a warrior in My Kingdom. Be strong.
It was hard believing that. Me, a warrior? Me, being strong? No… that’s not usually how it works. I’m the kind that bottles it all up and shuts down, barely treading water. However, once I released it all and gave it to God, I felt 100 times better. It was like my ex-boyfriend was suddenly gone, that weight on my shoulder, gone.
Break-ups suck. Holding onto pain sucks. Feeling worthless over a man sucks. But trusting in our amazing God and giving Him all your pain, that… that feels incredible. As I finished up my quiet time that day I took the ring, and put it in a bag to bring home and forget about. I’m going to bury it out in the yard when the ground thaws. A symbolic gesture to move on that he is in my past and that is where he will stay.
I’ll admit my finger felt empty without a ring. I thought about putting it back on. NO! I’m not going down that road again! So, I got onto Amazon.com and ordered myself a new ring, a ring I call my God love ring. God loves me so much; I can lean on Him. I can cry to Him, be mad at Him. Yet, no matter what, He will ALWAYS love me and look out for me. Below is the ring I ordered. It just came in today and I cannot be happier.
I’m happy to say, I have moved on. I’m finally free of the pain, resentment, fear, loneliness, and self-doubt that the break-up caused me.
I am strong.
I am courageous.
I am free.
I am beautiful.
I am worthy.
I am a daughter of God!
Thanks for reading my story!